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September 2018
BREAKING NEWS
Reports are coming in of the largest traffic jam that Italy has ever experienced blocking the main route south-east from Milan on the road to Bari.
"I-a donta knowa what-a the probleema eesa" said traffic officer Guietta Movonna when interviwed "but-a theea roada she isa blocked alla the waya backa to Milano. Oh Momma mia"This reporter's company provided a helicopter which has taken us to Foggia where a vehicle has finally been made to stop after causing a tailback of over 300 kilometres. It appears that this vehicle containing tourists from New Zealand travelled all the way from Milan airport at 40kph causing massive disruption in its wake.
The driver identified as a Mr Riccardo Prowess was reported to have said to the arresting officers:
"Sup Bro? Me and the missus are off to stay in Bari for a decade or two. I hope you're going to ticket those aggressive bastards behind me who've been trying to pass illegally. We're not used to this speeding about where I come from"Commendatore Ivor Gottagun of the special traffic police flying squad said:
Ima gonno shoota thatta bastada. He'sa made-a me late-a for my pasta formigione thatta my-a mistress has-a made-a for me. Now-a I'll have to eata my wif-a's cooking. Bastardo"The Minister of Internal Affairs (unrelated to Commendatore Gottagun's domestic situation) has reported that the disruption has caused major set-backs in industry and commerce and that the government will be reviewing the situation in special meetings that have been called.
